


Justin Makes Mistakes

by who5555



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Character Analysis, Character Study, Episode: s02e06 Mixed Blessings, Episode: s03e04 Brat-Sitting, Episode: s03e07 Stop Hurting Us, Episode: s03e08 Hunt(er) For Love, M/M, Meta, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 11:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3648123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who5555/pseuds/who5555
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that I've finished it, I see the title may not make a lot of sense because I adventured on writing about other things. Anyway, the title will remain!! This is basically me writing about the ending of season two until the half of season three regarding Justin and Brian</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (The bad kind)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been meaning to finish this for a long time so, naturally, today, instead of writing what I have to write for college, I used all my time and energy on this! What can I do, right

Well, for starters, Justin makes mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It's natural, it's expected. He's young, he has a lot to learn and he's not scared of going ahead and doing it. I mean, he left home when he was seventeen and since then never looked back. 

Here I am considering two kinds of mistakes that Justin makes regarding his relationship with Brian. There's the good kind and the bad kind. Now, you need to understand what I'm considering when I say "good" and "bad", for those are very subjective words. I'm taking Justin with Brian as a good thing, I'm taking commitment as a good thing; I'm taking cheating and lying as a bad thing. And the reason I am taking Brian with Justin as a good thing is because… You see, this would allow me to write a thousand more words, so I won't. Sorry.

Ok,I'll take this as my cue.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Let's go to the beginning of it. (Because: why not? Because: I already have the material. Because: I want this to make sense). The beginning of season two: Justin is hurt, physically and blocked mentally. Brian is traumatized and feeling guilt. At a first moment they get together to try to mend their broken pieces, but then Jennifer comes and bans it. Painfully watching as her son is suffering, Jennifer realizes that she can't reach him, she can't take this pain away, she can't restore what was taken from him. All her love, nurturing, caring and compassion can't give him what is missing, can't fix it where is broken. And she looks around: Daphne, Molly, Debbie, none of them can. And she is forced to see that the one who can reach him is Brian (and Jennifer is a great mom. And Justin is amazing and I say that episode two is hard to watch because he's in pain! Stop with this agony). So she seeks Brian and can only hope that he listens to her this time, again. And Brian opens the door, and Brian lets her in. He listens to what she says and he does what she asks of him. (And they create a bond, don't they? Brian calls her every time he's thinking of selling the loft. And only around her he's not afraid of showing his feelings towards Justin because she knows. She knows he was there every night at the hospital, she knows he cares. So there's no need to lie to Jennifer, and he knows it. And when he proposed to Justin and he says no, Brian tells Jennifer because they created this bond that is one of my favorite things on this show. And then she says "Uh, for what it's worthy, I just want you to know that I'm sorry that I'm not going to be your mother-in-law", and honestly I cry). So, Brian takes Justin in (again, is it the third time at this point?), he tries to give him his memory back, make him whole again. (Now imagine this as those flash forward scenes where they show you lots of scenes from the future in movies: Brian gives Justin a machine for him to draw easily, then he convinces him to go back to college, he continues to pay for his studies, always encourage him to find himself…)

 

  * "Why am I here? Is it just because you feel guilty about what happened?" 



       [Season 2, Episode 6: Mixed Blessings]

 

Let's go back to the night Jennifer visited Brian.

Jennifer asks Brian to fuck Justin. Brian picks Justin up, takes him to his place and tries to fuck him. But then he is faced with the truth, and the truth is that Justin is not ready. Brian finds a psychologist (!?) and he tells him it's because Justin doesn't feels safe, because he can't remember things so that makes him scared. From then on Brian does what he can to bring that night back to Justin until he's good again and they fuck.

But this is the point. When Brian took Justin in, he tried to fuck him because it was what Jennifer asked of him. So, yeah, Justin, it's true. Brian only took you in because he felt guilt, and because your mom asked. And he saw it all as being his fault, so he did what he had to do in order to mend you. 

 

  * Then: "But it's not the reason I want you to stay"



      [Season 2, Episode 6: Mixed Blessings]

 

There it is! Justin, it's not the reason he wants you to stay! And then they make promises. Now, finally, this is where I wanted to be in the first place: the promises and rules. 

So, it happens, that great fucking scene. Justin is kissing someone in front of Brian, Brian decides to go there, and he says "hey, fuck off" it's great! You should re watch that scene, it's great! And then Brian starts with the usual "I am who I am and I'm not gonna change but hey I love you so please just…" and whatever, I won't put it word to word here, you get the deal. If you want to re watch it, it's on episode 6 of season two, the scene starts on 45:54. 

My point and where I want to get with all this is: Brian says he wants him to stay. Brian walks in on Justin, pushes the guy he was kissing off, and tells him "You were right, the reason I took you in was because you took a bat to the head. But it's not the reason I want you to stay". (And I said I wouldn't quote it!!!!). This is what I mean. Brian does it all because he simply wants Justin to know that he wants him to stay, that he likes and cares for him and it goes beyond the guilt. He's grown more of it, he's attached to this kid now. And he wants him to stay. That's all he wants! He wants him to stay, but he's going to continue to be himself. But! he never lies and he never says he's gonna change. He says it right there, he says (fuck it, I'm quoting it because it's!!! I LOVE THIS!): "So, if I'm out late, just assume I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing: I'm fucking. And when I come home, I'll also be doing exactly what I want to do: come home to you". And that's it! That's what Brian wants, he lays it out there, for anyone to see. He's clear, he's objective, he's honest. He's honest!! 

But then Justin says he wants things to. And he's right to want some things to. A relationship is found between the people that are involved in it, and Justin has every fucking right to want things too. Right? Absolutely! So he asks for four things:

  * Can't fuck the same person twice
  * No names or numbers exchanged
  * Come home by ~~two~~ (four! three) three no matter where you are or what you're doing, always
  * Don't kiss anyone else on the mouth



(Had to re watch the scene to catch it and, honestly, re watch!! this!! scene!!)

So there they are, the four rules that will be the foundation of their relationship. Everything else, apparently, is in reach and acceptable. And that's great! And they do great and everything is great… For a while.

 

What do we see next?

 

  * Justin kisses someone
  * Justin… (whispers: meets Ethan)



 

Yeah, ultimately, Justin makes mistakes. The bad kind.

First, he kisses a guy. A Brian knows it. And Brian in the beginning of the episode (8 of season 2: Love for sale, minute 3:35) fucks a dude. Then when this dude asks for him for another round, he says NO. Then the dude wants to kiss him.  And he goes "You don't get that". The dude mocks him and leaves. But the point is, Brian says no twice. Because he can't. Because there're rules! And he's taking those rules seriously, even though he never made them. 

And then, long story short: Justin goes to Daphne's party (Bless Daphne, I love Daphne she's everything), fucks a virgin and kisses him!! Brian finds out because they have that smelling-each-other thing going on. And Brian says "You kissed him". And Justin says "I have to take a shower" and leaves.

And you know, this is sad. Brian never asked for rules, he simply wanted Justin. But Justin wanted rules, and he made them. But then he went around and kissed someone, and almost got home past his own made up bed time. Like, I am not blaming Justin, I would never blame Justin. As I said before, Justin is young, it's natural to make mistakes. And Brian doesn't blame Justin either, but we see it going through his head "It was your own rule, why did you break it?". Because we know that Brian doesn't care about kissing others on the mouth, he never said anything about kissing others on the mouth. But Justin cared, and Brian knew he cared, so he followed the rules and didn't kiss the other guy without any kind of resentment, he simply said to the guy (ops I think I was calling him the dude?) "you can't have that", and sent him on his way! And Brian is keeping his word, he really is. But then Justin breaks it. And it's sad because Brian knows that this is only the beginning. He's wondering: "how long before he breaks another rule? How long before he leaves? How long before he realizes this is not what he wants?". And we, as the viewers, now exactly how long.

It is on the episode sixteen that Justin Taylor meets Ethan Gold and things start to fall apart.

 

Ok, you know what? I had some time to think it over and I decided to cut straight to the chase.

Here is what was going on: Justin was unhappy, Justin was confused. 

First, there's the birthday incident, then, Brian leaves him to go to Vermont by himself. Now, we also need to understand that had Justin gone through this by himself, he would have had a certain view of things. Maybe none of it would have happened? We'll never know. But Justin wasn't by himself. He had already met Ethan, and Ethan knew what was going on.

You know, I really dislike Ethan. He's a little snake. He saw Justin, he knew there was something off between Justin and his boyfriend, he saw that Justin was clearly unhappy. Now, what did he do? He saw in it a chance, an opportunity. Everything he says to Justin before they end up together is a scheme. He says what he knows that Justin wants to hear. He says what he knows that will attract Justin to his nest. He just throws it out there: hey, let's have a picnic; hey, I'll give you thousands of roses; hey, look, candlelight dinners! And Justin is not in a good state of mind right now because he's confused.

Justin is confused because he can't decide the difference between what he has and what he wants. He suddenly thinks that all he wants is romance and to know that he's loved. He goes through a crisis, he thinks Brian doesn't like him. And he realizes that maybe he wants more from life than this, than being in this open relationship! So he feels it all on the surface of his mind and he is convinced that that's all he wants. And he tries to get that from Brian, he gives him a chance. He prepares a picnic on the floor. But Brian shuts him off, again and again. And suddenly Justin can't be around him anymore. And there's Ethan, available, romantic, serenading him. He thinks "that's what I want!", and he goes for it. 

And that's strike two, isn't it? The second mistake? 

But he doesn't tell Brian and he doesn't do anything about Brian or doesn't think of breaking up with Brian because he loves Brian and he secretly still waits to wake up from this nightmare, to wake up in a bed full of roses with Brian saying "I love you". 

But Michael finds out, and Michael tells Brian.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (also, I had to resume it a little? like, the original had 7k words wtf)  
> anyway, if you made it to the end of this chapter, you're a champ or whatever. thanks, really!   
>  xo peace out


	2. The break up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Brian knows he's going to lose him. And Brian walks into the fog with a fag in his mouth, and he had just accomplished something big work-wise, but he has no one to share that with and suddenly it doesn’t feel like an accomplishment at all.

And Brian knows he's going to lose him. And Brian walks into the fog with a fag in his mouth, and he had just accomplished something big work-wise, but he has no one to share that with and suddenly it doesn't feel like an accomplishment at all.

  
And Brian knows he's going to lose him. And Brian walks into the fog with a fag in his mouth, and he had just accomplished something big work-wise, but he has no one to share that with and suddenly it doesn't feel like an accomplishment at all.

  
Brian doesn’t understand possession. He won’t hold strings on Justin. If Justin finds someone younger and better for himself, he won’t stop him because he knows that Justin deserves better. He knew that was going to happen. (But that doesn’t mean that he is not going to suffer. He is going to be in a lot of pain. But on his own way: silent, quiet, sarcastic).

  
He loves Justin more than he can understand. Justin, on the other hand, completely understands it, and only now is beginning to realize how much he’s been missing, how much he wants, how much he deserves. Justin loves Brian, obviously. He love Brian in a loud way. But he’s beginning to notice that love’s not everything. Maybe he would rather have someone that made him romantic dinner rather than someone whom he loved desperately. Different than Michael, Justin notices that his love for Brian is unrealistic and unhealthy.

  
But it’s not that Brian doesn’t want to change, is just that it’s going to take more than that. He’s so used to being alone, being exactly who he is, while this; having someone to expect something from him - this is something he is not used to. Michael and Lindsay accept who he is and make little questions to it. But Justin is not Michael, or Lindsay. Justin won’t wait around. He’ll leave.

  
Brian Kinney is already too broken to let Justin’s love get a hold on him. It slips easily through his skin, his mind, his heart. Justin went away (to Vermont) wishing to be surprised, wishing to be missed, wishing to be loved loudly, but all he found when he came home was a Brian who was ever more distant and cold.  
So they break up, although sometimes it isn't considered a break up because they "weren't a couple in the first place", or something like that. Brian leaves it up to Justin, and Justin decides to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad when they break up because we see all throughout season two how great they were as a couple.  
> Brian and Justin are always in synch. They enjoy each other's company more than anything. Sometimes they are out with the boys but we still see them alone in a corner talking.   
> They are always talking, about everything. And they support each other and they are so important for one another. And no one else had no idea how their dynamic is. They are so discrete. Only the two of them understand how it works and they live in their own little world.   
> (Now, the way that Justin treats and cares for Brian is something out of this world. Even when Brian is not around, if anyone says something about him he always stands up to defend him and honestly, to know that they ended the way they ended makes my heart weak. After the accident both of them have grown and matured a lot, and for Brian it was an alert and he decided not to hide what he felt for the boy anymore. And what at first was an act of guilt and pain too soon became something bigger than he could understand and before he knew it he was running after this kid to make arrangements and rules and accepting when people called them boyfriends)  
> sad.


	3. (The good kind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I just want to give you all a fucking update on how Justin Taylor keeps cheating on Ethan with kind things he does for Brian Kinney. (Because with Justin it always comes down to "killing you with kindness").

First, there was that whole incident about who’s-paying-my-tuition kind of thing, where Ethan made the wrong remark about thinking it was Justin’s dad and, uh, Justin did not correct him. Now let me tell you, Justin knew it was Brian. Never for a second it crossed his mind that his dad could have changed his mind. Ethan did not know that, and assumed it was him because Ethan KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT JUSTIN. But Justin always knew it was Brian, and then he goes to his loft and asks him why. Justin, you know why. And you know he’s not gonna tell you with the three words. Get over it. (No, but really, this is an important first cheat. Not only Justin lets Ethan think it was his dad because he does not want trouble from him, but he’s also like “dude, seriously? my dad would never. but yeah ok I’m not getting into that”, and he’s also like “ok, I’ll go over his loft and ask him why but I’m not even mentioning it to you, boyfriend, BECAUSE THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND BRIAN. AND I DON’T WANT YOU INVOLVED”. And as he leaves the loft we see in his face that he’s starting to miss Brian).

Ok! Second part of the cheating! First, he accepts to do the art for Brian without a second thought. Then he goes to Brian’s loft to discuss the art and Michael walks in as they’re really close. Like, I don’t know what could have happened if Michael never walked in. They were close, talking like adults. Brian was tempted, we know he was because he was all charming and googly eyes about it. God damn it, I teared up! Brian is so fucking miserable. What happens next is Justin leaves and Mikey stays in, they smoke and eat and laugh at old memories, and Brian is SO SAD IT HURTS SO BAD WHAT THE FUCK JUSTIN. But I know, I know it’s not Justin’s fault and if anything it makes me love him even more. Such a young and lost child. And also, to let it clear, Brian would not have advanced on Justin. And I’m not saying Justin would have either. All I’m saying is: I don’t know what would have happened had Michael never showed up! Most probably thing would get really uncomfortable sexually to the point where Justin would just get up and leave. But, anyway, none of it was the point of the cheating. The cheating happens when Justin is at a  party with Ethan’s friends and decides to leave because he thinks all of them are pretentious, boring people. He says Ethan can stay. He leave the party and where does he go? He goes to the Charity. (Also relating to the cheating, FLASHBACK to when Brian gives out two tickets for Justin and Ethan, and Ethan rudely refuses and gives them back, and THE LOOK ON JUSTIN’S FACE SAYS IT ALL. He really wanted to go and he’s embarrassed for Ethan and he misses Brian). So he goes to the party and he talks to Brian and then he leaves. But that was enough. That was just him realizing he still has crazy feelings for Brian, and Brian constantly reminding him of why, and he’s slowly seeing what a mistake he made, but he’s also very committed to the mistake, and he does not want to fuck it up, so he leaves the party before he does something MORE STUPID THAN GOING TO THE PARTY. BOY, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT YOUR HEART BEATS TWICE AS FAST FOR BRIAN NOW THAN IT EVER DID FOR ETHAN. 

 

THE BRACELET THING! Are you guys ready for the Greatest Scene to come up because of Ethan? You see, they are not together anymore but that does not stop Justin from wanting to make things right for Brian, especially when he's being extremely indjusticied. And he looks around, and his friends aren't doing anything. Like, they would probably let him go to jail if that was the case? But Justin can't let it happen! He has nothing to do with it, but it doesn't matter! And they get the police involved because Debbie is seeing Carl, you know (I know I'm just throwing things in here but I'm assuming everyone's seen the show and knows what I'm talking about?), but surprise, the police does nothing. So you know who does? Yeah, Justin does! He goest after Brian's nephew and then he proves that Brian is innocent, just like that. Like, it's so easy for Justin to do things for Brian. And you know what it means, right? It means that he fucking misses him, and he's desperately looking for a chance to be with him. So he gets the damn bracelet and says that he'll give it to him.

AND NOW, THE SCENE! He knocks on Brian's door (I think this happens off screen and the scene opens already with both of them by the doorstep? Whatever). [For reference, because you DESERVE to re watch this scene: episode 4, season three, minute 42:22. enjoy]. So, doorstep. Justin gives him the bracelet but he's not ready to go. So he decides it is a good idea to put it on him. ATTENTION TO MINUTE 42:35 AND JUSTIN'S FACE THAT Screams how much he misses him. Anyway, moving on. So, he puts on the bracelet and, you know what? I just remembered that this is about the good mistakes, not the good scenes. So, do yourself a favor and watch this scene! Maybe I'll write about it some other time, but I don't think I'm ready yet. The cheating was: helping Brian, I guess. (Just because Ethan would not be happy about it I consider it cheating, idk)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also, I think it's important to note here that Brian never made any advance on Justin while this one was in the relationship with the one that I will not name now. For the contrary, all the occasions they met alone, in circumstances that hurt Brian's unused little heart, all he did was remind Justin of his relationship. He practically said "Hey, remember why you left me. I hope you're getting what you wanted". And he always left before he thought he wouldn't be able to hold it together any longer)


	4. The break up part two - Ethan says bye bye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just things we should never forget

Really, all that it's worth of mentioning here is:

  * "Look how many times you forgave Brian!"



Because Ethan is just as weak as David and he needs to throw in Brian's name into the pit because it's just oh-so-easy to make him the bad guy, so easy to blame him for everything. Like, really, Ethan? I'm comparing you to David, this is LOW. (For those who are bless enough to forget about David: he is Michael's boyfriend on season one, and also the worst fucking character of this show. Also, he constantly threw Brian's name when arguing with Michael because he is weak and he needs to step on other to feel better about himself).

 

  * "I never forgave Brian! I never had to! Because he never promised me anything. You did"



You know, all in all, I think this would be an average quote if it wasn't for that "You did" in the end of it. That "You did" shows us that Justin finally saw Ethan for who he was. Justin finally realizes that Brian was right, that Ethan was full of shit. Justin realizing that Brian was right, period. And that Brian never lied. Anyway, more on that on the next chapter!


	5. And… they're back!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honestly, finally.

Justin, being the smart guy that he always is, realized that he never stopped loving Brian. He was craving romance, and Ethan could provide that to him, but he never loved him. With him out of the picture. it is clear to him that, yes, he still loves Brian. He never stopped loving Brian. And, more importantly, he had no reason not to get back with Brian, since he was the one who left him. I'd like to leave here my GREAT sympathy for the GREAT Daphne, who showed herself to be 100% team Brian all the while. I'm 100% with you, girl. You helped a lot. For one, Daphne never really like Ethan. Secondly, she was constantly reminding Justin of how Brian was good for him. "He never lied to you", things like that. Justin clearly holds on to what his best friend says, because when confronting Ethan, who lets slips something along the lines "How many times did you forgive Brian?" (I mean, honestly, Ethan? Are you for real? What good did you think it would cause to mention him?????), Justin screams loud and clear: I NEVER FORGAVE BRIAN!!!!! A little pause, then: I DIDN'T HAVE TO. He never promised anything. And, with that, au revoir, Ethan, go fuck yourself and leave Brian alone.   
Ok!!! So, Ted thing happens and once again Justin is reminded of why he loved Brian. But, more than that, he is reminded of the way that Brian loves. Brian loves on mute. So, Justin is in agony because he's thinking about what happened - he thinks of the break up. Brian didn't kick him out, Brian didn't send him hate notes, Brian didn't get mad at him. Brian gave him a choice. But, Brian loving on mute, he would never call him to come back, and Justin knows this. He knows that Brian is waiting for him, all this time, but he also knows that he's NOT going to tell him this.   
So, he decided to play Brian's game.   
The cold game.  
The loving on mute game.  
Soon enough, it breaks loose because Justin is not a mute lover. Justin is loud about his feelings. He won't be able to take in that much agony anymore, so he just screams what he feels. Brian listens.  
Justin is still trying to give him a chance to prove his love. He's playing a dangerous game. He's about to leave again, he wants Brian to run after him.  
But, this time, Brian holds him. He screams back at Justin. He says: "That’s so like you. You don’t hear what you want, so you leave. Try standing up for yourself for a change! Have some balls" (and we see how that affects Justin on season 4, but that's another story for another time), but what's hidden under this is "Make me take you back. Prove to me that you still want me. Because I still want you".  
So Justin kissed him and leaves.  
And, once again, being the smart-smart guy that he is, Justin decided to play the game. He knows that if he just tells Brian how much he loves him and how much he fucked up, it would only drive him away (also because he already said so, out loud, "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LET ME LEAVE, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME I WAS MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE" - Justin, I love you). He knows the only way to get it - and now he already knows that Brian wants him - is by playing the game.  
So they play the game and everything's fine.  
Until  
Brian says.  
“And you’re never to play violin music in my presence again”.  
That's when Justin truly realizes how much Brian likes him, and how much he was hurt. And he can't believe it, and he'll never be able to explain to anyone what was that.   
But Justin will never knows that Brian called boys that looked like him, and Justin will never know that he spent time at home looking for him, and Justin will never know about the endless times he called Michael to go to Babylon with him because he had no one else to talk to. Justin will never know that, just like he will never know that Brian went to the hospital every night (I mean I don't think that Jennifer told him because that's between Brian and her). He will never know how hurt Brian actually was.  
As for Brian, at first, he was happy to see that he was back.  
He smiled when they met at the bath.  
He liked when he saw him at the agency.  
And he enjoyed the little talk they had at Babylon - he noticed that Justin was playing the game. Even though, for Brian, is not a game. It's just who he is.   
He was completely ok with taunting and teasing Justin again.   
He never thought, though, that Justin might have wanted more that that.    
That's why he fires Justin. Thinking that it won't develop to what it was, he thinks is better they go separate ways as fast as it can be done.   
When Justin screams at Brian all the things that Brian's subconscious has been whispering ever since the break up, Brian realizes, again, how much he fucking missed this kid. But Brian is actually surprised to see that Justin misses him too. To see that Justin still wants him. He was not expecting that.

AND THIS IS IT FOR NOW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for now, really. I have some things in mind for next things to write, but I don't know. You could give me a feedback if you feel like it/made it to the end of it. Truth is: as I said before, I have a lot written about this show because this is just what I do. And it was bothering me to see it laying around, no where to go, so I decided to put it here. That's all. Now, if you wanna talk!! about this show!! please talk to me!! I'm on tumblr xo thank you, if you're readin this maybe it means you read it all? omg. I can't believe it. you're everything


End file.
